The Day I dare to be myself
If you have read my old blog post you already know, I had a very hard childhood . But you probably don’t know the only time I felt alive is when I was on stage or in front of a camera .
I remember when I had to do a presentation in front of the class, event though my classmate were shooting names at me and trowing stuff on my face… I was happy …yes I was happy because I was able to do what I love to most ‘ PERFORM ” . For me performing is my calling … Actually Performing and Creating because I love to write as well . I knew the only way to escape from this world was to create a fake world around me . And trust me I was good at it .
Until I was 13, I wasn’t allowed to watch TV ( I was cheating and watching GIJoe and Transformers anyways ) but I was not officially allowed to watch TV except when I was watching it with my mother late in the night …I watched all the Dynasty episodes( french translated version obviously) … GOD I wanted to be Alexis (Joan Collins ) so bad . Anyways since I could not watch TV, I was writing…Usually lots of sad things but I wrote lots of fantasies stories as well…Vampires ,witches,elves they were my friends . Maybe that’s why the first big project I did was about Witches .
But my point is I always felt different than the rest of the world . I always wanted to be on stage but it was impossible. Nobody can perform all the time and when I was not performing I felt I was dying and I usually had those deep deep depression .But what I did not understand at that time is I hated myself because I was not allowing myself to be real . I was just trying to be whoever my family wanted me …trying to be whoever I had to be to please everybody.
So After my teenage years… I became MYSELF and suddenly performing was not that important anymore . Ok I will be honest I was not 100 % myself because I come from a very very strict and controlling family , but I tried and It made me feel very good.I was the crazy ,funny and sexy girl I wanted to be . I dare to say all the spicy jokes I wanted to say. I was wearing the clothes I wanted to wear…I felt good to the point that I loved myself more and I start losing weight (lots of weight) . I was more me .
Than, I moved to Vancouver ( I am jumping a lot of time there )… One of the reason I did not felt happy is this beautiful city is : I felt that what I had to do to be loved is to change who I was .I tried but It was not easy .I tried but I was not happy. Since Vancouver is a very conservative city I dress the part . let’s say I felt like I was a new kid trying to fit in a new school and I was not always accepted. I did met some amazing amazing and AMAZING people .But I was not true to myself.
Than, I produced 13 Witches … If you want to know how it went I invite you to my Youtube Chanel to watch the interview . My Youtube channel is sabinemondestin 😉 . Let’s say I felt I had to wear a scarlet letter on me, like the movie Easy A ( A great movie by the way and Emma Stone is just too talented …Ok let concentrate to this post)… The sad thing about 13 Witches is I did not see that coming 🙁 …Oh well you learn .
Now I am in Toronto ,I love it, I feel I can be more myself since in a big city. I wish I was in Los Angeles or New York but I am working on it 😉
I realize that even if we try to please everybody it will NEVER be enough .So I decided to dare to be myself and If people want to talk so let it be …Good press or bad press is good …the only bad thing is no press at all 🙂 …Yes I did notice I have more and more haters on Facebook and Twitter but I don’t care . You know even I hope I will have more haters …Justin Bieber has lots of haters and I will love to have his wallet 😉 .I will be able to produce all my 22 scripts with one year of his salary so bring it on haters !
At last what I realize is to dare to be myself because I don’t need a stage or a camera to be happy …The world is a stage and I need to to present the real me and what I learn from so many experiences of my life is just enjoy life …Just appreciate yourself …People will hate you more if you are fake than if you are happy with yourself . When you really love yourself you radiate confidence and people really loved confident people so just be yourself.
Dare to be yourself
Dare to enjoy your life
Dare to be hate because you do what you do the best
Dare to remember life is a stage and you are the center of it
I admire the ones who dare to be themselves-Sabine Mondestin ( In case you want to quote me 😉 )
Oh trust me I am still learning to accepting myself and I am still discovering myself .
At last I just love what Rupaul say at the end of every episode of “Rupaul Drag Race” ; ” If you can love yourself how the hell you going to love somebody else “
Love you all my Darlings